Weblog (2002~2005)
*Starting from November 29, 2005 all weblog entries are posted in the News & Updates section*
October 08 , 2005
I had looked forward to George Romero's Land of the Dead for a long time, and I have to say, I'm disappointed by the film. It's not a bad film technically, but the vibe is all wrong. The reason why I'm such a big fan of zombie films is because of the sense of isolation, overwhelming odds, being severely outnumbered, and the utter lack of resources for survival, which requires street smarts, creativity, and sheer gonads to overcome. In the classic zombie films like Romero's original trilogy, every move made counts, and you couldn't let your guards down for one second. The tension was so taunt that you could barely breath, and it only took one small human error to bring the terrifying chaos to a boiling point. Unfortunately, none of these qualities were in the 4th installment of Romero's zombie epic. It had zombies, fantastic gore, an interesting plot, the expected social commentary, and was quite entertaining, but it just wasn't that scary or intense. There was no real sense of dread with so many survivors in one place, tons of weapons and security, and super-elite zombie fighting squad. Even when the place was overrun, a few missile took care of everything in a few seconds. Where is the sense of dread and horror?
Luckily, I found a new drug to feed my zombie craving, in the form of a free online game called Urban Dead has got me completely hooked. It's such a simple yet highly addictive game, especially once you've leveled up beyond a newbie player. You must try it if you're a zombie fan. Make sure you read the wiki and FAQ for the game before you create your character though, because otherwise, you might regret what character class you choose.
Another film that disappointed me recently was Kingdom of Heaven. It just didn't immerse me emotionally, and when a film doesn't move me, I feel detached and can only appreciate the technical efforts behind the filmmaking. Orlando Bloom's performance was wooden, and perhaps that's what character was all about. Anyway, it's hard to imagine it was directed by the same Ridley Scott that directed Gladiator.
Ever since Elena got her immigration visa a few weeks ago, we've been planning the move back to the States. It's going to be a big move, but I'm pretty experienced with moving by now, as I've been moving around all my life. She's far more worried than I am, as she'll be going to a country where she doesn't understand the language. She's been studying English, but her progress is embarrassingly slow. She also has to learn how to drive too, and that scares the hell outta me; this woman can't even play video games, and she trips over her own feet on perfectly flat ground, wearing flat-heeled shoes. I keep imagining that she'll drive the car into oncoming traffic or run over mailboxes and fire hydrants. . ..
June 21, 2005
What kind of a world do we live in, where a fumbling idiot like Uwe Boll continues to get funding to make horrid and nauseating cinematic abominations? The people that are funding his personal vendetta against the art of filmmaking must really, really hate films. If filmmaking itself was actually a person, then he must've raped, tortured, dismembered, and then decapitated loved ones of the people that are funding Uwe Boll's continued molestation of film as an artform, because that is the only explanation I have for their inexplainable support of his heinous atrocities. Why not invest in real estate? At least that doesn't contribute to cultural deterioration. The video game companies that are selling him the rights are just as guilty, because they really should know better than to allow more fecal matter to be created in the name of video games. What, they thought the reputation of video game films isn't bad enough, and just had to drive it deep into the grave for good? What Uwe Boll does to film is on the same level as what the Nazis did to the Jews. The only worse offenders I can think of are the morons in Hong kong. There are a handful of good film directors in Hong Kong, but other than that handful, the rest are like Uwe Boll's long lost siblings.
While on the subject of bad films, I finally tried to watch Team America. I said "tried" because I just couldn't go beyond the first thirty minutes. In fact, I really had to force myself to even get that far. I have no idea how that crappy screenplay ever got greenlit. I'm actually a fan of Southpark, and I had high hopes for Team America. I expected it to be a "so bad that it's good" kind of cheese, but it was just stupid, period. I know exactly the kind of film they set out to make--a silly, irreverant, biting, obnoxious, and fun film, but they were so far off the mark that I wonder if they were purposely trying to destroy their careers. Thankfully, there are usually enough good films out there that there's always hope bad films won't completely take over.
Saw Sideways recently, and it was a nice little gem. It wasn't particularly profound, moving, intelligent, or exciting, but it was charming, wry, and funny. Paul Giamatti has got to be one of the most unattractive men in film. I'm not even talking about his physical appearance. There's this irritable, sagging, limp, petty, pathetic, and desperate aura about him, but at the same time, you just want to see him win, get the girl, or beat the odds.
I was reading Ang Lee's "Tens Years of Dreams In Film" (published in Chinese only) again, and one thing he wrote really stuck out. He said that in his experience, there are always these guys who could talk up a storm about film, analyze the hell out of them, have vast knowledge about film history..etc, but the minute you put them behind the camera or in the director's chair, they become fumbling idiots that haven't got a single creative bone in their entire body. Film and writing are all about instinct and talent. Either you have it, or you don't. No amount of education or training will help unless you have the necessary gift to begin with.
I've been reorganizing my writings (screenplays, novels, short stories, synopses, treatments..etc), and I really should finish some of them before my sabbatical is over. Some of them have such great potential, and I don't know why I keep stalling. Maybe I'm just afraid I'll become one of those people who writes "good work that has no market appeal." Kinda like the Miles character in Sideways. What happened to him is like a dreaded nightmare for me.
I've made plans to revamp my CG portfolio with some new concept art, digital paintings, and some 3D pieces. My sabbatical should be ending soon (unless immigration fucks with us), and the most likely thing for me to do is to return to the CG industry (film or games). I've been getting job offers from game companies on and off during my sabbatical, so judging from that, it shouldn't be hard for me to get back into the swing of things.
My oil paintings are coming along slowly. I know exactly how I want the paintings to look, but to hit that mark is a lot harder than I had imagined. Just have to keep forging ahead, because being a great oil painter has always been one of my goals.
I really don't have time to work on music, but I make a point to at least compose short little clips to get ideas down when inspiration strikes. Sadly, many of these short little sketches will probably never be developed into finished compositions, simply because I'm too busy to devote enough time to music. You'd figure that being on a sabbatical should give me plenty of time to do whatever I want. Well, that's what I thought at first too, but reality just isn't so.
Immigration really got on my nerves the other day. Just the way they talk to people can drive them insane with rage. That condescending and suspicious tone they use just pushes all of my buttons. I'm furious of the fact that they give visas to all these fake marriages, yet they can't tell a real marriage if it punched them in the face. I've seen plenty of people who are real couples, but get rejected by immigration for stupid and irrelevant reasons. These immigration officers sometimes turn people down out of spite, for no other reason than the fact they had a bad day, or just simply did not like the way someone looked. A friend of a friend of ours had all the necessary materials and met all the requirements, but because she was good looking and her husband wasn't all that attractive, the immigration officer insulted her to her face, implying things and made rude comments. When she couldn't take the insults anymore, she told the officer that it was unprofessional and wrong for them to insult applicants like that. She was dismissed and then never heard from them again. Now, there's a chance that Elena's visa will also never be granted because I blew up at an immigration employee over the phone. The Chinese are especially odious when it comes to red tapes, bureaucracy, corruption, and abuse of power. I'm so glad I wasn't born and raised in China, or I probably would've either gone insane or murdered someone out of rage. The whole world wants a piece of the China pie, drooling over the market potential that the population of 1.3 billion provides, but there is no free lunch in this world; they're going to have to put up with a lot of ridiculous bullshit to access that market.
April 30, 2005
The other day, after observing me working on an oil painting for a long while, Elena declared that compared to traditional painting, digital painting is like fastfood, while traditional painting is like gourmet cooking.
Elena's starting to take some nice photos with the Olympus C3030Z I handed down to her. She's got a natural instinct for composition--one that's probably sharper than mine. Pretty soon I'm going to have to put up a section for her photography.
A few weeks ago, Elena refused to let me leave the house wearing shorts and birkenstocks. She said that it was still spring, and I looked ridiculous dressed for the summer. That was one of the rare times when I wondered if her brain had malfunctioned. I know exactly what that mentality is all about though. In Asia, the society expects you to be "normal" and completely homogenized. Anyone that dared to step out of the norm gets slapped back in line pretty quickly. I get hot easily, so I tend to wear less clothes than most people. But in China, no one dares to dress differently even though the weather is obviously too warm for long sleeves and pants. It's as if they are waiting for everyone else to dress lighter for the summer before they dare to do it too. I had to put my foot down about this nonsense. I flatly told her that she's just going to have to get used to walking next to a guy that didn't care to be like everyone else. I don't care if the whole world was dressed in thick coats and it's snowing outside--if I'm hot, then I'll dress to reflect my body temperature.
I finished playing that Riddick game. All the online reviews raved about it, but it was actually pretty drab. It forces you to walk back and forth during your quests and that is just bad game design. The lack of varying enviroments really bugged me, because the whole thing felt more like a minigame than a fullblown game. The action itself was pretty lackluster too. This is not the first time I've disagreed with the reviewers, so whatever. At least the game reviewers are more often right in my eyes compared to film reviewers. Reading film reviews at rottentomatoes.com makes me wonder if the whole world has gone insane. Films I thoroughly enjoyed gets torn to bits, while films I loathed are raved by the critics.
I'm damn excited about the upcoming Serenity movie. I'm a huge fan of the Firefly TV show. It's one of the best TV shows ever made, and by far Joss Whedon's best effort to date.
March 15, 2005
I took a trip back to the States (Bay Area, California) to take care of some immigration business. Even in a busy city like San Francisco, it feels far more tranquil than the more rural places in China. That tranquility has nothing to do with lack of noise or motion--it's the security of a civilized society that creates the sense of tranquility. When in the States, I can safely assume that the people walking down the street next to me will have much more similar values, beliefs, and living habits to my own, whereas in China, I would have a very hard time finding people that shared my values and beliefs.
I've been working on some orchestral compositions, and I'm loving every second of it. I wish I didn't have to do anything else and could just concentrate on music for a while. I read Paul Gilreathe's Guide To MIDI Orchestration and it was awesome. Lots of great pointers on orchestrating various instruments for the orchestra, and how to edit the MIDI performances to achieve ultimate realism. There are comprehensive reviews on various effects plugins and sample libraries too. I'd recommend the book to anyone who's interested in MIDI orchestration with sample libraries. I bought the DIVA Bundle from Bela D recently, and I can't wait to use them on a composition. The vocal styles aren't as angelic as I had hoped, but I guess when their Giovani is released, I can just use the girl choir patches.
I am also quite excited about painting oil paintings again after all these years. I've designed custom palettes, palette boxes, and drying racks, and I just got them back from the carpenter. Another carpenter made a custom-designed easel for me, and it's pretty nice--not as nice as the $300 easel I have back in the States, but it'll do just fine. These custom-made accesories have that homemade charm about them that I wouldn't be able to find in any art supply store. While back in the States I picked up some nice brushes from Robert Simmon, Rekab, Winsor Newton..etc. Also picked up some nice Italian palette knives, various paints from Holbein, Grumbacher, Winsor Newton..etc. I would've picked up paints from the most expensive brands like Old Holland, Bloxx..etc, but I really wonder just how much of a difference the ultra-expensive paints could make. Maybe when I'm rich I'll splurge on the expensive stuff.
The wood panels I had custom-made were less than satisfactory--I had to gesso the hell out of them to get a nice smooth surface to paint on. I don't like canvas at all--hate that visible weave texture and non-supported feeling. Maybe a fine weave glued to masonite would be ok. I've been testing out various mixtures of painting mediums, and some of the results are downright perplexing. I have a sheet of canvas glued to a plastic board that has all these mediums mixed with Winsor Newton Zinc White in patches, and I would rate each on drying time, level of neutral transparency (many are too yellow), and tactile feel after drying. Winsor Newton's Artisan line of Linseed Oil was the slowest one by far, even slower than walnut oil. It was also quite sticky, even worse than stand oil. The Artisan line of Impasto Medium was unsatisfactory too--it cracked upon drying. The Fast Drying Medium from Artisan was not good either--it bubbled and left the surface with tiny craters. Strange that the actual water-soluable oil paints from the Artisan line aren't that bad in comparison--at least not that I have noticed yet. I experimented with this medium where I mix equal amounts of stand oil, wax picture varnish, and turpentine, and it dried to a very flexible, non-tacky film--significantly so than other mediums (other ones I tested were black oil, stand oil, WN drying medium, walnut oil, Maroger's medium, Grumbacher Zee, and Lefranc impasto medium).
I finally got a DVD of the new 3D Appleseed movie. It wasn't as bad as people online have claimed. I think most people were put off by the bad English dub, whereas I watched the Japanese version with subtitles. It just boggles my mind that after all these years of distributing anime, these people responsible for the English dubs are still completely clueless to what makes a quality dub. I can count on one hand how many good dubs I've seen in the last 20 years. The cellshading in Appleseed was pretty horrible, and I hope they don't try it anymore. It lacks the aesthetic judgement of hand-painted shading, and to use 3D that way is really using the tool the wrong way. What they should've done was to R&D a different non-photorealistic rendering style, not duplicating hand-painted cells. The story wasn't as sophisticated as Shirow's original manga, but it was an interesting take on the universe.
I've been planning the teaching material I'll be using for the upcoming online workshops I'll be teaching. The workshops should be announced sometime next month. I really wondered if I should do more teaching after I wrote d'artiste, because sometimes I feel that I should be more selfish and just concentrate on my own growth instead of trying to help others. But then I remembered that when I was a teenager, I really wished I could've had some source to learn from. I had to learn it all on my own, and I guess I just feel the need to help the younger generation--to give them something I never had. Lord knows I'm not doing it for the money because the money I get from these things are really not worth the time and energy I put into them. Anyone who teaches for the sake of money alone shouldn't be teaching. It has to be about giving back to the next generation, and that should always be your main motivation.
Elena and I have both been sick lately. We groan and moan and cough and sneeze like two dying animals, and neither one of us could get any real sleep. I'm almost back to normal while she's still coughing away, which is unusual since she's way healthier than I am in general. Health is really the most important thing--without it, no amount of money, spiritual revelation, material wealth, fame..etc will mean anything. No one cares about anything when they are sick, and our interest in the world only returns until we feel better again. I remember asking a doctor last year whether eating right and working out would improve my immune system, and I was horribly disappointed that the answer is no. I've always had a weak immune system, getting sick all the time since I was a kid. Guess it'll stay like that my whole life. *sigh*
December 10 , 2004
I've shot quite a bit more photography since the last update, but most have been pretty disappointing. The problem is, I'm no longer happy to shoot nice hobbyist level quality photos--I'm now after commercial quality that can stand up to the scrutiny of other professional photographers. Although I don't make a living doing photography, I still want to achieve that level of skill--it's just my personality to try to be the best I can be. However, I'm spreading myself out too thin as it is already, tackling multiple creative disciplines simultaneously, and at this rate, something's gotta give. So, I decided to pull back on the photography and spend more time on painting, since that's been what's putting food on the table for me all these years, and I'd be foolish to just let it go to waste by spending too much time trying to improve in things that are not a major importance to my career. For this same reason, I don't indulge myself time to compose new music no matter how much I want to. I mean, I'd kill someone just to get the extra time I need in order to do nothing but make music for a few years, but I'm a lot more realistic these days than I was at a younger age. I know I don't have a lot of time left to make something of myself, and this is almost like the last 100 meters of a marathon, and if I don't succeed in the next few years, I'll probably become very depressed.
Elena has been suggesting and encouraging me to alter my career path a bit. We've been talking seriously about going the route of fine arts and ditch the CG industry altogether. She knows I'm not a nine-to-five kind of guy, and she loves it when I'm at home with her. She believes that being a gallery painter and just sell paintings is a much better alternative than slaving long hours in some CG studio where crunch-time is the norm and job security is non-existent. I warned her that people don't just decide to become a fine artist and start making a good living at it right away. It takes perseverance, luck, lots of promotion and marketing, and a decent amount of talent to make it as a gallery painter, and out of all these things, very few of them you actually have control over. For some odd reason, Elena believes I have a good chance, and she thinks I should give it a shot to see if it's a viable option. So, the near-future plan for now is to build a body of new paintings, then hit the galleries and promoters to see if I have a chance at all. I personally have no idea if I have what it takes, but you never know unless you try, right? It would be awesome to be able to just paint for a living, write screenplays and novels on the side, and compose some music now and then. Working in the CG industry does not allow you that much freetime, so if I were to stay in the CG industry, I would never be able to attempt my other creative dreams. Of course, the ultimate dream is still making it as a creator/writer/director. Joss Whedon has my dream job, and his success is certainly an oddity, not the norm. Hell, I'd settle for Ragnar Tornquist's job.
September 4 , 2004
As I get older, I don't get depressed nearly as much as I did when I was younger. I think having more life experiences makes you more well-adjusted, or maybe it's the whole, "Been there, done that--it aint gonna get me down" thing. But what's has replaced the depression is pressure--and boy do I feel it all the time. Each year that passes by, I feel that time is running out, and I still have so much I want to accomplish, yet I can only do so much in my waking hours. I would forego sleep altogether if I could physically handle it, but being made of flesh and blood, I know better than to turn my body into a wreck--if I did that, I'd have even less time left on this planet.
It's extremely unhealthy of me to have such high expectations. I somehow had gotten it into my head over the years that I absolutely need to excel at everything I do, whether it's art, music, writing, photography..etc. I would beat myself up into a pulp if I failed to hit a certain mark I've set for myself, and I would be upset for days, weeks, months. But the reality is, even in the history of human kind, there have been very few truly multi-talented minds that can excel at everything and do everything at the level of a true master. Unrealistically, I push myself to be one of those people, and if that's not setting yourself up for a crushing disappointment, then I don't know what is. My ambitions have nothing to do with fame or fortune--it's simply the standard I hold myself to when I do everything, and I expect nothing less than excellence. It's no wonder with everything I do, I'm disappointed by the results most of the time. At this rate, I'll end up burning out and stop enjoying everything that I used to love. I've already done that with drawing/painting--and if I don't stop thinking like this, it'll happen to music, photography, writing, and everything else.
Some days I just hate everything I've ever created, and find no merit in any of my works. Today is one of those days. I need to rewire the way my brain works in this matter, because ultimately, I create for the love of it--everthing else should come second. I would love to be able to love creating even if I could never create anything worthwhile.
August 2, 2004
I've noticed something throughout the years that I find somewhat amusing. Whenever I'm overwhelmed by the incredible creative works of other filmmakers, musicians, artists, writers..etc, my desire to create isn't nearly as strong as if I were bombarded with a slew of mediocre or unfortunate works of abomination. The high quality works simply makes me feel like a giddy fan boy, and I love that feeling of being completely immersed and in love of someone else's creation. But when the crappy stuff grates on my nerves--particularly films, my first thought is always, "Gimme that same budget and I can do much better!" I don't really get that way with music, art, or writing though--only film. Kind of strange, no?
I've been reading Yun Ching Bezine's English novels lately, and as much as they are entertaining, I can't get nearly as immersed in them as I did with her Chinese novels. Her prose in English also doesn't match the elegance and depth of her prose in Chinese. I think it's a shame that the Chinese publishers don't give her the freedom to write what she wants to write, and because of her literary style, they've all but stopped publishing her books. The average Chinese reader only reads mindless scribbles by the young and hip writers whose books lack any literary value or profound depth. But publishers sell these trashy novels by the truckloads, while a truly talented and brilliant writer like Yun Ching don't even get a second glance, and all her previous books are long out of print. She could've been another Dostoyevsky if they had just given her a chance to write what she wants to write unobstructed. but as things are, she's forced to write in a language that she can't express herself nearly as well in, and her writing suffers for it. The injustices in this world. . .. *sigh*
I've been spending a lot of time working on new music, and it really is very intoxicating. The only problem is, with the advent of all this new technology, I had to learn a whole new workflow, and that really grated on my nerves. Although the old hardware crap I used a decade ago was limited and not at all powerful compared to what's available today, at least I could just fire the stuff up and just start recording. Today, I'd have to setup the software configuration, scroll through all the VST's and presets and tweak a bunch of nobs to get somewhere. The silver lining of all this is that my music sounds better than it ever did--with all the affordable yet powerful plugins that really makes a huge difference in the quality of the mix. I need to shell out of one of those nice orchstral libraries so I can start writing some decent orchestral film scores.
We've been waiting for the damn Canon 1D MKII to become available through our local camera store, and it's driving me nuts. I could order one from somewhere else, but we were quoted ridiculously low pricee on the body and lenses, so it'd be worth it to wait. It's such a huge purchase that just thinking about it makes me nervous. I feel ultra guilty for spending the insane amount of money on a pro camera system, but my goal is to be able to make the money back with photography, so it's not nearly as bad as if I were just going to just shoot it as a hobbyist.
Nothing that happens in China surprises me anymore. There's so much corruption, violence, injustice, miplaced hubris, ignorance, cruelty, and general disregard for human rights and human lives that I just stopped thinking about it anymore. A friend of ours was just framed by the mafia and this friend is a high ranking police officer! The mafia bribed someone high up in the central government, and the internal affairs guys came down and just nabbed him and held him for ten days of straight torture. They put a bag over his head so he couldn't see his assailants, and then proceeds to beat him senseless (we know this because we have a friend on the inside). He was not allowed to sleep or even sit down for the ten days, and they just kept torturing him. We really thought he would die in there, as it's a very common thing for the police in China to torture people to death before they even have a chance to go to trial. Now he's awaiting trial, and things don't look good. Even if he doesn't get death penalty, it'll be at least a life sentence. And what for? Because he busted bad guys too high up and they just wanted to get rid of him.
As soon as Elena gets her immigration visa, we're outta here. I would totally miss having all this freetime to myself to do my own thing though. I don't enjoy the thought of having to "work for the man" again. Hmm, maybe if I could just finish off a couple of screenplays and sent them off. . .. Who knows?
May 15, 2004
On May 12, Elena and I moved back to Fuzhou, China. It was a decision we made after months of debating whether we should stay or go. To make a long story short, Optidigit couldn't supply the budget or manpower it agreed to in order to produce my film, and staying longer wouldn't really remedy that, so I decided to return to my sabbatical to continue working on it alone, instead of spending my precious time directing projects that I have no interest in at Optidigit. I'm still good friends with Steven Stahlberg and there are no hard feelings between me or anyone at Optidigit. In fact, I quite like everyone in the company, and I'm sure this goes the same for them. Most likely I'll be working with them again in the future in one capacity or another. During my time there, I created and wrote a lot of projects, directed two TV commercials, did lots of pre-production work, and also helped out on CG production work. One unexpected cool thing I got to do was to direct the music for the two commercials, down to the style, instrumentation, tempo..etc, and even co-wrote part of the song. It made me miss doing music--it's been years and years since I last stepped into a recording studio, and it felt like going home after a long detour. I'm pretty sure now that I have all of my freetime back, I'll be composing some new music soon.
With increasing certainty, I know I don't want to ever make a living as an artist again. I was pretty firm about it when I was offered the director position at Optidigit, specifically stating that if they were hiring me as a director, they shouldn't expect me to do production grunt work. I still ended up having to help out on a lot of production work due to the company being very small and short-handed--and that just made me even more sure I don't ever want to do grunt work ever again. I've been a professional artist since I was 18, and did 3 years of production grunt work in games, and whenever I detoured and did other creative things, I always enjoyed myself much more. Hell, I even had more fun being a DP on a crappy low budget independent film, with a talentless hack as writer/director. Drawing/painting is just not as emotionally immersive or rewarding for me as writing, composing music, photography, or directing. I'm going to try and see if I can successfully make a full transition career wise during my sabbatical. I plan on upgrading to a professional camera system (Canon 1D Mark II) this year, and will probably travel around China and shoot like a madman--no stone will be left unturned, and no subject will be safe from my lenses. Muwahahahahaha! Ahem. . ... I'll also try to actually wrap up a screenplay or two, or a novel--if I can overcome my self-doubt when it comes to prose. I know at this point I'll probably never be able to make a decent living as a composer/musician, so I'll be satisfied to just keep doing it as a passion. I'll continue to draw/paint and do 3D during my sabbatical though, because my short film needs it, and I need to stay on top of my game in case I can't make the transition into other creative careers and needs to go back to art directing for video games or something similar. I suppose art directing isn't that bad, as long as I don't have to do too much mind-numbing production grunt work and can concentrate on the actual art directing.
China "welcomed" us back by putting us through hell at the customs when our cargo was detained, and they tried to tax EVERYTHING we had in our boxes and luggages. They taxed every single CD/DVD/VCD and book we had packed at 10%~20% retail price, and anyone who knows me knows I have hundreds and hundreds of those--we would've paid out of every orifice if we didn't happen to have a "connection" working for customs. We ended up paying less than a hundred USD. Thank God for "connections" and corruption in developing countries. It's like a love & hate thing for me. I'm disgusted by corruption, but whenever we ran into trouble in China, it was always "connections" that got us out of them. Did you know that if customs in China were to do things by the book, you would have to translate every foreign language book you have in your cargo for them, so they can make sure there are no "inappropriate" materials? I fucking hate the secret police communist bastard type shit. Marx must be rolling in his grave.
My older brother Michael got married too this month, right after my younger brother Dennis got married in late March. It's like my wedding caused a chain reaction or something. I flew back to the States and attended Dennis's wedding in Vegas. It was quite fun--more so than I had expected. Dennis looked like a young maverick lawyer in his wedding getup--all handsome and shit. I hated having to use my crappy Olympus C3030Z to take photos--I so wished I had bought that used Canon 1D before the trip. The chapel's wedding photographer was shooting a Nikon with a hotshoe flash mounted--and I doubt his pictures are any good. If I had a Canon 1D, would've shot gorgeous pictures for Dennis and Liz.
It was amazing to see my step-older brother Stephen's kids all grown up--quite adorable. Elena and I talk about having kids off and on, but in general we agree that until my career takes off on the path I want, we'll hold off on having kids. I used to maintain that I only want daughters, and if we had a son, I'll just strangle it (nonono, I'm kidding of course). But after seeing Steven Stahlberg's two sons, I now think if we were to have sons, they must be as adorable as Steven's kids, or I'll strangle it (I'm kidding!). Steven's sons, Leo and Danny, are so beautiful and friendly--they're like two cute puppies. Leo, the older one, is like a miniature version of Steven--even down to the geeky tendencies. LOL!
March 17, 2004
There are a lot of things I meant to write about here, but I always forget. One of them is about Battle Royale II Requiem. My God what a steaming pile of. . .. Ok, I know I'm supposed to be sympathetic that Kinji's son carried on his father's torch to finish the film, but I couldn't even sit through the whole movie. The first Battle Royale was no cinematic masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination, but GODDAMN it was fun to watch. BR II managed to not only suck in premise, story, acting, and directing (ripping off Saving Private Ryan is just so passe), but it also managed to not entertain, unless you consider bad filmmaking entertainment.
I was wondering the other day whatever happend to Raymond Watt? After Genuine American Monster, he just disappeared. I really want him to release more stuff as PIG. Although I like his side projects (Schaft, Schwein..etc), I love his solo works.
I was reading my friend Jason Sereno's blog today, and a big smile came across my face when I read about his thoughts on goth and industrial. This is something I've always wondered about, and discussed with people in the past, but never got a convincing answer. Now, Jason and I are both big industrial heads, and while I'm no raging goth boy (sure, I dated goth girls, wear a lot of black, and have a thing for macabre yet romantic sensibilities, but that's like saying just because you wear golf shirts, dated golfers, and shared high society ideals, you are all of a sudden a golfer), I know my way around the subculture, and for the life of me cannot make the connection between the two. He wrote that he loves Gary Numan--which I do too (but more for the later stuff), but isn't Gary both industrial and goth? Maybe it's less evident on Pure, but in Exile, he was in full goth mode (with the industrial switch on) as far as I was concerned.
I've been toying with the idea of maybe doing freelance illustration on the side, but I'm almost too lazy to go out and promote myself again. I did that in my late teens, and don't particularly enjoy the idea of doing it again. Maybe I should just relax a bit and enjoy my job as a creator/writer/director/art director, and then just relax in my freetime. It's like a damn curse--I need to be creating all the time to feel alive.
I was *this* close to buying a Canon 1D (used), but backed out last minute. I was literally about to hop on my bike and ride to the nearest Western Union agent to do the money transfer, when I decided that I should wait. Elena and I agree that the end of the year would be a better time to splurge on expensive stuff. By then, I think we'll have enough saved up for a Canon 1D MKII (droooool). I went into a store the other day and tried the EF 700-200 IS, 50 f/1.4, and 16-35 (on a 300D), and I fell in love with the 70-200 Is right there on the spot. It's like looking through a portal into a dream world. What a lens! A week later we went to a camera show and I tried out the Nikon D70 and Olympus E-1. The D70 was similar to the 300D, but the build seemed sturdier (and much better looking than that ugly silver). the E-1 was impressive, although the 3-point autofocus seemed lacking. It focused well enough in the convention floor, which was not very bright. The 300MM lens (600mm equivalent on 35mm) was a MONSTER. I tried the entire lens range offered for the E-1 and I liked all the lenses. But of course, I will never pick an Olympus camera over a Canon, although I use an Oly now for my photography.
Finally got around to read Neil Gaiman's Stardust. What a charming book. I wish the characters were more developed, but I guess you don't need that kind of depth for a fairytale.
The Hellboy trailer disappointed me. I pictured it dark and moody, but the movie seemed to be very brightly lit--not an ounce of mood left. Guess I'll have to see the movie to conclude.
After much waiting, I broke down and ordered the Phil Hale book. I keep thinking I'll one day see it in a bookstore, but of course most bookstores don't have that good of taste. So, amazon.com it was. I picked up the third volume of the Sargent portraits last month, and it contained a few amazing pieces I've never seen before. I'm a bit annoyed that the entire series so far are printed too dark--I could easily find better reproductions from other Sargent books. What a shame.
I'm loving the UT2004 demo. This is what multi-player is supposed to be--ONSLAUGHT! Can't wait for the full game. The bots are kind of stupid in the demo--getting stuck while driving vehicles and not taking advantage of the teleport to various nodes for better vehicles. I'd assume they have that fixed for the gold. I'm also playing Beyond Good & Evil, and it's really good so far. I really wanted to like Broken Sword 3, but it bored me after 2 days of playing. The Syberia 2 demo's got me stuck in the house with the bear outside, and I have no idea what to do. I tried going fishing in the back but the damn dog keeps eating the fishes. Maybe I should just hold my breath for Longest Journey 2. Man, that's going to rock!
February 11, 2004
My old puter died on me (the motherboard kicked the bucket), so I had the perfect excuse to put together a new machine, since my old RAM was SDRAM, and my CPU was a socket 423--both outdated and won't fit most of today's motherboards. I ended up putting together a P4 2.8GHz, 2GB DDR RAM, SATA and ATA hard drives, CDRW/DVD combo, Audiotrak Prodigy 7.1 soundcard, and all of these are plugged into an ASUS P4P800 motherboard, housed in a nice I-CUTE 450 Watt chasis (except the front fans have blue/green/red lights--something I didn't bother to check during the purchase. I didn't think it was possible for a manufacturer to use such a tacky color combination). The old parts from the old puter will be getting a replacement motherboard and a crappy video card, so I can turn it into a surfbox. At work, I have a setup where I have a main workstation and a surfbox, witha KVM switch that jumps between the two. I like that setup a lot, so I'm mirroring it at home.
I just read Snow Crash for the first time recently, and I could see why it was such a huge hit. Although I grew up on sci-fi and fantasy, it's been hard for me to get excited about genre fiction in the last several years. Most genre fiction lack emotional honesty or elements of profoundity. Genre writers usually aim to entertain, with no noble intentions and risk nothing of themselves on the pages. Although I have nothing against that, I've slowly become weary of it. Very few genre writers have the ability to elevate their work above the conventions and transcend genre borders. Neil Gaiman is one of them. Peter Hoeg's Smilla's Sense of Snow was certainly the one that showed me what really good writing can do, regardless of genre.
I'm almost done writing my part for the D'Artiste book. I'm a bit upset that I haven't made that metamorphasis as a painter as I had hoped years ago, and the pieces to be shown in the book are all works that I wish I could've painted differently. Damn the growing pains. . ..
Now that my new puter is setup and ready to rock (I can now play UT2003 on 1600x1200, with everything set to the highest! And that's with a Geforce FX5200!), I'm looking forward to making some new music. I've been listening to a lot of classical recently (mostly Debussy, Ravel, and Satie), so maybe it'll rub off on the new music I'll compose.
Elena managed to break my Wacom tablet's AC adapter. She plugged it into the wall without going through a voltage converter first (they use 220 here in Asia), and that fried the sucker. We searched high and low for a compatible replacement, and I kept thinking, I can't believe I've become so dependent on technology that I'd need an AC adapter to paint!
January 8, 2004
Man, I can't believe I had let four months go by without writing anything. I suppose settling in at a new job and in a new country is a pretty good excuse, no?
It's been over two months since Elena and I moved to Malaysia. So far, we don't have too much to complain about besides the hot weather, constant news reports of robberies and murders in the media, and unethical practices by majority of taxi drivers here.
I'm biking to work everyday, and it's been about fifteen years since I last rode a bicycle. They sure didn't lie when they said that once you learn how to ride one, you never forget. I guess if I keep it up, I'll end up with those sexy cyclist legs?
I've been up to my eyeballs with stuff to do at Optidigit. I've been creating, writing, designing, storyboarding, illustrating..etc, and it's been nice so far. I cannot stress enough how wonderful it is to be a content creator instead of a production artist. This is what I was born to do--create/write/direct/art direct. I'll never go back to being a cog in the machine ever again.
I try to squeeze in some time to work on Promise between projects, but at this rate, the film will never get finished, unless a buyer/investor picks it up.
At home, I have the D'Artiste Digital Painting book keeping me busy. I think after I finish this book, I'll stop doing visual art for a while and just concentrate on music and writing. Need a change of pace and scenery, you know?
Steven and I have created a project for a CG TV series that we're both very proud of. We believe that if we can just get a buyer/investor for it, it'll be a huge hit. Sure blows away a lot of the crappy sci-fi shows that are on the air these days.
September 8, 2003
The trip to Malaysia was fun. We shopped all the major shopping malls in Kuala Lumpur(my feet nearly rotted off of my legs. Oh the pain. . ..), and picked up some excellent art books, cute/sexy outfits for Elena(I picked them out--it's like dressing up a Barbi doll, and Elena loves my taste in women's clothing), a 20 GB. portable mp3 player(Creative Nomad 3 Jukebox), and DVD's. We left them all at Steven's place since I said yes to Optidigit's job offer, and we'll be moving there in about a month. I'm very happy to say that my short film, Promise, will now be an inhouse production at Optidigit, wth me at the helm as writer/director/art director. This is the direction I've wanted to steer my career path for years, and I'm now finally a director. Guess there's a chance at that Oscar still. . ..
It does make me a little sad that this new development means I will not be able to be as personal and open about my work from now on. I will try to keep everyone updated on the progress(what I'm allowed to talk about/show) of all my future projects.
Hanging out with Steven was fun. He's so into his creative work and so passionate about it, it feels like we're long lost brothers or something. There was always that feeling there even before we met--that kindred soul thing, and now that we've met, and spent hours talking about creativity, story ideas..etc, it's even more obvious. We're collaborating on writing a new project now, and it's a blast so far just writing back and forth in email. Can't wait to really dig into it working side by side.
The next phase of my life is about to begin, and even though it came later than I had hoped, I'm still glad that it's now, and not ten years from now. I've always been a creator, not an artist for hire, or a production artist. I don't like doing production work because I rather use my imagination and be a storyteller than to push pixels and vertices all day. I have great respect for people that are great at it and loves doing it, but it's just not for me. Being a comic book creator was close, but in the U.S., comics only reach a small number of people, and I wanted a much broader audience. I feel like I'm ready to explode with creative energy, and I hope the world is ready for it. ^_^ This is going to be a tough and long climb, but I will not stop until the day I make it to the level of James Cameron, Steven Spielberg, Stanley Kubrick..etc.
August 18, 2003
The day after tomorror, Elena and I will be flying to Malaysia to see Steven Stahlberg. I hope everything works out, since I'm looking forward to working with him. But if not, spending 100% of my time working on my own personal works has been great for the past two years, and I'll just keep doing that until Elena gets her U.S. immigration visa.
A comic book publisher has contacted me about doing work in comics. I've been away from comic for so long that I don't even know if I still care enough for the medium. But, if I do it, everything will be done on my terms--no more getting jerked around by publishers.
I simply could not believe that b12.org crashed hardcore after I moved my website to their server for a week. What a joke. I should demand for a refund, but hell, it was only $14.95. Now, CG Nerworks is hosting my site--one of the perks you get for being a moderator there. I haven't started moderating yet, but should be soon.
Shopping for a new camera system is really nerve-wracking. All these different choices and price points to consider--not to mention the fear of buying something expensive, only to find out a month later that a more advanced model costing less gets released. Guess I'll take the plunge after the Malaysia trip.
More so now than ever, I feel that life is too damn short. I have so many stories I want to write, music to compose, paintings to finish, films to make, photos to shoot..etc. One lifetime just isn't enough.
June 19, 2003
It's been very hectic recently. Judging for Exposé, working on new music, doing stuff for my short film, working on new paintings..etc. Some pissed off and disappointed people came to me complaining about Exposé's selection process. I tried to calm people down by keeping everyone objective and diplomatic about it. Certain issues can't be handled by jumping in gun-blazing. I too would like to see Exposé improve, but yelling at the people responsible for it isn't going to do it. A friendly sugggestion is much more likely to be heard.
Steven Stahlberg asked me if I wanted to go to Malaysia and work for him. I'm quite enjoying my prolonged sabbatical to work on my personal creative work, but this is a good thing, and I'm most likely going to do it--unless after we pay a visit and absolutely don't like Malaysia. Elena's been there already and she said it's insanely hot and humid. That's strike one since I can't stand weather like that. But just to go there and work alongside Stahlberg would be fun. He's such a nice guy and for the last few years, I've gotten to know him enough to know that we'd get along just fine. Elena is fine with it--since she said she'd follow me to the ends of the Earth--as long as she's next to me she's happy. What a girl, eh?
Working on music again after putting it aside for 5 years was---bliss. I love working on music so damn much. I hooked my Korg Triton LE Music Workstation to the PC, running Logic Platinum. Should be a good combination. I've already gotten about 50% done on a new piece titled "Tribes." If I do go to Malaysia, I'll probably take the Triton LE with me. Might leave the guitar behind though.
June 3, 2003
Damn, time really flies fast. It's been 2 months since I updated in this journal. What's happened lately? Hmm, well, there's the SARS crisis--forcing us to try to stay home as much as possible. Luckily, it's hasn't really broken out in Fuzhou, but our neighboring provinces aren't as lucky.
It only took about a week of Elena not going to the office to have her employees start misbehaving. People that seemed like good, hardworking employees all of a sudden turn into a whole different person. It seems that these things happen far more in China. Back in the States, I never really noticed that the employees all of a sudden starts goofing off on a major scale just because the boss wasn't around. I think the sense of responsibility and pride taken at the job is very different between the two countries. I asked Elena, "Is is the same with other businesses, or just your?" She said, "Every single person I know that owns a business watches his/her employees like a hawk. You simply cannot trust the average person in China." I find that pretty sad, but I guess poor economy and living standards also lowers morality--of course, this is specific to China. I'm sure there are other poor countries with much higher morals.
For some reason, I got requests to do interviews back to back from 3 different sources, and also significantly more emails from strangers with business offers to produce my short film/collaborate with me. I said yes to the interviews and did one each for CG World magazine(Chinese edition), 3D Total, and David from Holland. The unsolicited business offers all seemed a bit shaky, and I dealt with them accordingly. Chat messages and emails from strangers are getting a bit overwhelming too, and I have no idea why. I'm not doing anything different from what I used to do. I've been using the internet and involved with the online CG community for years now, so why suddenly all the recognition and attention? It's strange that a 2D guy like me is getting all this attention from 3D guys. I wonder if it's only because of the short film I'm working on, or they just like my paintings?
Exposé's deadline just passed, and I'll be judging all the entries with the other jury members. This book is going to make history--and I'm happy to be part of it. I'm just a bit bummed that Craig Mullins isn't' in it. I totally understand why he's not interested in fame and recognition--it's just not his style. For the next one, I'll pester him to enter though.
I'm going to slow down a little and try to enjoy life more. I've been working way too hard for that past God knows how long. All I do is draw, paint, design, 3D, short film, photography--24/7. Maybe I feel I need to work extra hard on my artwork because I don't want to waste the limited time I have here in China while waiting for Elena's immigration visa. You don't get a few years off to do nothing but work on your personal art often, and I'm trying to make it count.
I read a couple of interviews with Sakamoto Ryuichi recently, and he never ceases to amaze me. Such talent, wisdom, intelligence, open-thinking, and idealism, from such a compassionate person. There are very very few people in this world I consider to me my idol--and he's one of them.
March 28, 2003
So Miyazaki wins an Oscar. About damn time. I don't know if him not attending the Oscars is his way of showing contempt for the mainstream America. The fact he once said he felt sad that the Japanese youth are losing their culture probably makes his disposition more than evident.
Man, I really hate food poisoning. I don't know what kind of unregulated bullshit goes on in the factory that made the milk that poisoned me, but I'm sure that place would get shut down by the FDA in a second if it was operating in the U.S.. But, as things are in China, you can sell just about any crap you want, as long as you bribe the right people.
The production on Promise is slow and sometimes painful. I wish I had a full-blown studio working on this film. Right now, there are 8 team members working on it with me. They all believe in the film and in my vision, and volunteered because they wanted to work on something that they can believe in and learn from. It'll be a real test to see if an internet team could pull this off. The public announcement of the short film was a total success, and now that I've got people's expectations up, I better deliver the goods.
This whole war thing--I have mixed feelings about it. But being an American in a foreign land where its people generally don't like the U.S., it's hard not to be patriotic.
I feel old these days. I can't believe I'm 30. How can that be? It was only yesterday that I was 18, no? It's so strange, but every year you get older, it becomes more evident that the younger kids see you as one of the "adults" and no longer treat you like one of them. This kind of makes me sad, since I still feel like a kid most of the time.
Elena closed down the cosmetic shop and shifted to being a distributor only for brands. She's busier now than when she had the shop. It's like a 6-day workday for her at the office, plus business trips out of town, so I'm home alone most of the time. I guess it's not so bad since I have so much work to do anyway.
We went to Guan-Zhou to have my passport renewed. Whenever I go to the American Consulate, I feel extra fortunate to be an American. You just wave your passport and you can go right in, while crowds outside waits for hours and hours for their turn to get in. Once inside the building, everything just feels like back home. I don't know how to explain it, but the inside of Chinese official buildings just look very cold, drab, and...communist? But in the American Consulate building, it's warm, inviting, friendly, and...American.
January 18, 2003
I watched The Two Towers tonight, and while I think it was good, it's still a mystery why people practically foam at the mouth raving about it. I think the younger generation claims that it's the best film ever made because they are young, and their taste in general have not fully developed. Their understanding of cinema is mostly at the surface, while the deeper layers will be unavailable to them until they gain more life experience and see more cinematic masterpieces past and future. But of course, the LOTR films destroys Star Wars prequels. Then again, I'm not a Star Wars fan in the first place. Give me Bladerunner, Aliens, 2001: A Space Odyssey..etc anyday.
Elena caught a cold, and she gave it to me. Before the cold could break out full force, I went to the doctor and got shots to suppress it. Let's hope it works.
A scandal happened recently. I attended a CG conference in Fuzhou, and I wrote a report about the event and posted it at cgtalk. All the Chinese people went ape-shit, calling me a traitor to my own race because I reported what I saw honestly--the underhanded business practices, the cultural hubris, the racism..etc. They felt that since I was Chinese, I shouldn't "air dirty laundry for the world to see." Some were so angry that they threatened me bodily harm when posting their reactions at chinadv.com(they translated my report and posted it at Chinese CG sites, and a mob gathered. But, a lot of them did agree with me and felt that I was telling the truth, and I did nothing wrong). The thread for the topic at cgtalk got so heated with political debate that I told the moderator to just kill the thread altogether. When the topic strays from CG to Mao and all the people he killed, you know it's time to put the flaming thread out of its misery.
I think all the outraged Chinese forgot that I'm first and foremost, an American. I am who I am today--the person I'm proud to be, because of the 19 years I've lived in the United States. My American education taught me that bigotry is wrong, racism shouldn't be accepted, justice should be upheld, and tyranny should be opposed. These are the American values of freedom that I hold dear to my heart, and while living here in China, those are the values I do not see in the Chinese people in this corrupt, apathetic, and oppressed country. If the Chinese CG companies are trying to steal the American CG companies' jobs by using underhanded business tactics, you bet I'll let the whole world know about it on an international CG forum. It's not about race or nationalism; it's about what is wrong and what is right.
December 26, 2002
Yippy, another Christmas. I cooked two nights in a row, and man, am I rusty. I roasted a chicken, baked garlic bread, made Russian Soup..etc, and I think they were all pretty bad. Elena kept saying they weren't bad at all. I have no idea if she was being polite. I mean, if her cooking sucked I'd just tell it to her straight(in a nice way), and I'd offer suggestions for ways to salvage it. Am I insensitive? Should I lie?
Being the romantic she is, she lit up all the candles we had in the house, and whenever people called to wish a merry Christmas, she'd tell them with so much pride that her hubby cooked a Christmas dinner for her. What a silly, but cute girl.
Speaking of Chrismas, I have NO idea why the Chinese here are celebrating. They don't even know what Christmas is! You can ask anyone here what's the meaning of Christmas, and you'd get a blank look. It's just an excuse for them to party, that's all.
Man, I'd hate to have keeping writing about these horrible stories, but what the hell, here's another one.
In the papers today, there was a story about the death of a three year-old boy. An apartment community security guard saw a crowd of people looking up at a balcony--a little boy was dangling and about to fall off. The security guard yelled for people to go get some heavy blankets from their homes(the thick Chinese ones) and use it to cushion the boy's fall--if he falls, then, he ran off to call for help. When he got back, not one single person budged or bothered to help. Pissed off, the security guard ran to his own apartment and grabbed his blanket. When he got back, and about to spread the blanket out, the boy fell. He died the next day in the hospital.
Is it any wonder why I have such a dislike for many of the Chinese people in China? They are selfish, corrupt, and can't even be bothered to lift a finger to save the life of a three year-old boy because their Goddamn blankets might get dirty. Man, if I was that security guard, I'd beat some ass .
Is it just me, or are most anime shows getting lamer and lamer? I tried watching Love Hina because people were saying how good it was. What a steaming pile of contrived, meritless, derivative horse manure! I can't believe people actually like that crap. On the other hand, some of the better anime I've seen lately are Cosplay Complex and Agent Aika. What is it with all the "fan service" stuff now in anime? You can't watch thirty seconds without seeing either senseless violence for sight gags, or gratuitous shots of bouncing breasts or panty shot. Not that I'm complaining, but I think it's a bit too much--kinda like a cop out when they can't figure out a better story. They need to produce more quality stuff like Cowboy Bebop.
Elena's been going out of town a lot lately for business trips. I'm so used to having her next to me when I sleep that when she's not here, the bed feels GIGANTIC, and I hate it. I do get a bit more work done when she's not here though, since I go right back to my old habit of eating my meals in front of the computer, and working into the wee hours of the morning.
Speaking of work, I'm getting very impatient and restless with all the concept art I have to do. I just want to jump in and start modelling and animating some shots, but I know I'm being wise by have highly developed concept art. That way, there won't be any guess work and revisions in the 3D stage--which is a lot more time consuming. I know all this will pay off in the end. I just have to be patient.
December 20, 2002
Holy cow! There seems to be some kind of a Kawai Sonoko revival going on, and I cannot put into words how ecstatic I am. I've been a huge fan since I got her Rouge et Bleu album back in 1988, and I'm every bit in love with that album now as I was then. Just last year, I had SCOURED the entire internet looking for Kawai Sonoko information, and luckily, I found Japanese used CD shops and ordered all the missing albums from her entire discography. There were practically nothing on the internet about her except this webpage by a fan. Now, there are a lot more webpages, including websites dedicated to her. Check out the following links now on the internet!
http://value.zero.ad.jp/sonoko_web/ This is a site dedicated to Sonoko. Lots of good stuff there. I learned from this site that her reason for taking an indefinite sabbatical in 1991 was to "recharge." I think this might have to do with the fact that in 1990, she released an album that was entirely composed by herself, and she realized that she wanted to study music some more? Now with a "Gold Best" album just released, maybe she's ready to return to the stage after disappearing for twelve years?
http://www.mni.ne.jp/~tady/sonnet/home.html Another site dedicated to her.
http://www.pinky.ne.jp/~eruii/sonoko/index.html Yet another one. I was really pissed to find out from this site that ther was an album called "Degree of warmth of Lolita." WTF? I had NEVER heard of that, and I'm a huge fan! Another site identified the album as the soundtrack for a TV drama of the same title, and her husband(she married Goto, her long time collaborator who is a composer and arranger. He's been writing for her since her debut in 1985. They got married in 1994. Talk about a long courtship!) wrote the music and Sonoko did some stuff on it(I think she only did narration on one song).
http://homepage2.nifty.com/moon-fantasy/sonoko/sonoko.html Haha, this guy actually listed his favorite Sonoko songs by, "Best songs to listen to during summer, spring, rainy days"..etc.
http://mx2.tiki.ne.jp/~muneoka/ This one is pretty funny. He's obviously some head-banging metal freak, yet he's got a page with an 11 part interview with Sonoko that was conducted at an University in 1990 during a music discussion conference.
http://member.nifty.ne.jp/take777/sonoko.htm Oh wow, this guy wrote an ongoing(up to part 12)essay series on Sonoko. Talk about dedicated and passionate fans! Why does it seem that the more obscure an artist is, the more rabid and dedicated his/her fans are? Is it because we treasure their unrecognized talent and feel there's great injustice that these artists aren't more well-known, and we also treasure every little information we can find since they are so obscure?
http://www.windflower-12mt.com/ Another Sonoko site. This one's got an online petition for Sony and other companies with rights to her material to re-release more stuff and make them available.
After going through all the new websites, I discovered that my quest of completing my Sonoko collection is not yet complete. Now it's time to get all the rare stuff. I don't even have any of her live concert videos! No Sonoko fan should be without one!
If any of you reading happens to be a Kawai Sonoko fan, and know where I can get the following concert videos of hers, please email me and let me know!
Sonoko no natsu (68LH-142)
Aphrodite no yume (68LH-127)
Sonoko genkidesu (68LH-104)
Sweet Contrast (42LH-245)
For those of you that have no idea who she is, I'll just let her music speak for itself by presenting to you some of my favorite Kawai Sonoko songs(or you can read the short biography I wrote on her in the Share the Love section):
Jessy's Tragedy (From the album "Rouge et Bleu") You MUST crank up the volume--I mean REALLY crank it up for this song, or else you might as well not bother. It is that good.There's a singles version with different arrangement and lyrics, but this version is much better. The arrangement is so powerful, and the lyrics so emotional and dark. You can just hear the hearbreak from Sonoko voice on this song, and ...I'll just shut up since I could write a whole essay on this song.
Silent Revenge (From the album "Rouge et Bleu") Actually, her songs are not usually this dark, but the overall mood of the "Rouge et Bleu" album is definitely the darkest of all her albums.
Somerset Maugham Over the Equator (From the album "Rouge et Bleu") I think Kawai Sonoko might be the only singer to ever use Somerset Maugham in a song. If you don't know who he is, then you probably didn't pay attention in your English classes.
Tears of Jasmine Love ("Dedication" album version) Love the vocal melody for this song. They don't write songs like this anymore.
The mp3's are encoded with the LAME engine, with minimum set to 128 kbit/s, maximum set to 320 kbit/s, high to normal mpeg quality, and VBR quality set to 3. I was going to use Ogg Vorbis encoding, but as most of the popular media players don't support it yet(except Winamp), I decided to stick to mp3.
Here are some pics of Sonoko I got from various Sonoko websites:
Aint she a cutie? God bless her for breaking the "cute idol" mold and becoming a full-fledged composer/producer. It's sad there are so many "talentless idols" who are way more famous than she is.
I made a new page in the "goodies" section called "Share the Love." It's basically where I upload cool stuff to share with everyone.
While searching for info on Sonoko, I came across an article titled "Cuties in Japan." by Sharon Kinsella. It is an incredibly detailed analysis of how the "cuteness" trend began in Japan, and how it had evolved, including the influence it has on Japanese society past and present. It's quite long, but if you have any interest at all in Japanese pop culture, you MUST read it.
December 17, 2002
Hahahahahaha! I came across this Steve Vai song, and I just about wet myself listening to that song. Be warned, it's not a polite song. I'd recommend a headphone if you listening to this with people around.
Man, I've been in Fuzhou for a year and three months, and not one single western style restaurant is tolerable. Steaks are like beef jerkies, and I'm too scared to even try the spaghetti. And the music they play...just kill me now. No wonder Elena and I pig out when we go to Hong Kong. Food there is so damn good, and so diverse in style that it gives San Francisco some serious competition.
Elena just got a deal to be the exclusive distributor of another cosmetic brand called "Milan." I almost popped a vein when I saw the advertising material for it. The chick they picked as the model looked like a cheap prostitute, and Elena told me she's just some chick that worked at a shoe store that the owner of the cosmetic company spotted(or boinked, I would venture). Man, if the photographer was any good, he'd have saved the ad, but the photographer was a hack too, so... Anyway, we decided to shoot our own ad and pass on theirs, and if the headquarters like what we come up with, they are welcome to use it for the entire ad campagn of "Milan." How much they pay us for providing the new ad would be negotiated later. I don't even care. I'd do it for free since it's my wife's business, and a good ad campagn could only benefit the sales on her part. We debated whether or not it's narcissistic of us to be putting Elena face on the ad, but Elena's defense was, "I've been shooting commercials and modelling/acting since I was a teenager. Just because I'm an entrepreneur now doesn't mean I all of a sudden lose the right to be a model still." Yep, she's right. She makes most of these so called models look like dogs anyway.
December 10, 2002
Imagine this:
It's six a.m. in the morning, and just outside your building a marching band proceeds to trumpet and drum away for two hours non-stop, only stopping to light firecrackers--one long string of them after another. On top of that, you went to bed at four a.m.--just two hours ago.
Now, honestly, would you be in a BLOODY MURDERING RAGE if that happened?
Well, it happend this morning.
It was either some celebration or a funeral--the crowd was wearing all black, with red sashes. Man, if it was a good marching band, I might have even enjoyed it just a little, but the band was horrible. The drummers and the trumpet players were not even in sync! Hell, the drummers weren't even in sync with each other! And the tunes they played! Ugh!
It amazes me that the security guards allowed this kind of intrusive, disturbing B.S. "tradition" to happen in an apartment complex community in the 21st century of the modern age. I keep joking with Elena that after we get back to the States, I wish an Atom Bomb would be dropped on China--especially Fuzhou.
Now I change my mind. I want a Nuclear missle. (Of course, I'm joking.)
December 6, 2002
Today, Elena told me a sad story. While she was out doing some business, she passed by a shrine and decided to pay her respects. A girl wearing tattered clothes with a limp was collecting junk from the trash, and when she passed by Elena, she asked her to spare some change. Elena asked her what happened to her leg, and that led to the girl pouring out a string of sad stories. Her leg was infected and swollen--result of a car accident, but she didn't have money for treatment, so the wound just gets worse with each day. Then when Elena asked about her family, she started sobbing and told her this chilling story:
Her father is a drunk, beats her mother constantly, and is obsessed with his two daughters sexually. He tried to rape the girl, but she ran away. Her father then tried to rape her younger sister. When the mother tried to stop him, he put a knife to her mother's throat and threatened to kill her. After her younger sister was raped, she also ran away from home.
Elena was on the verge of tears after hearing the girl's story. Being a kind soul, Elena dug into her purse and gave the girl some money. The girl, seeing the generous amount, was extremely grateful and immediately got down on her knees to thank Elena, who quickly helped her up and got out of there before she lost it to a river of tears.
Since I've been in China(Sept, 2001), I've seen and heard countless stories like this one. I've posted them at forums I visit regularly, and I think I should dig them up and repost them here in the journal so that I can loosely "document" my experiences in China.
December 1, 2002
I was struck by inspiration today, and created some characters for a new story. Basically, the premise is that Satan has three daughters: Beelzebella, Appolina, and Lucifina, and the three of them discovers the truth about their mother while leading a war against the angels at the order of their father.
I've been doing a bit of research on the bible and the hierarchy of angels. It's a bit of a shock to find out how much the media has distorted the truth of the bible. By the truth, I simply mean what's actually written in it. I'm agnostic, so I don't subscribe to any established religion, however, I've been looking into the Baha'i Faith lately, since it seems like something that appeals to my philosophical taste. But I think my interest in religion is a purely philosophical and historical one; attaining enlightenment and bliss after death is something I almost never think about. Hell, I have trouble attaining my artistic enlightenment, and bliss before death is hard enough as it is.
One of my shipments from amazon.com got intercepted by Chinese customs at the post office. They sent me a mail saying that my "purchase amount was over the allowed amount for an individual," and that I need to find an import/export company to represent me so I can pick up my package using a non-individual status. What a pile of steaming horse shit. I've orderd packages from Gnomon School of 3D Visual Effects that was well over a grand, and not a peep from customs. Maybe the fact Gnomon only uses FedEx when shipping internationally made a difference.
November 30, 2002
Ok, I keep saying I will write an online journal, but I never do it. In fact, I've almost given up writing a journal altogether. I've kept one since I was fourteen(1987), and I've been so good at keeping it going for sixteen years straight, rarely going for more than a week or two without writing. But, after meeting Elena, I started writing less and less. Sometimes a month or two will go by and not a word written. When I told Elena about it, she said, "It means you've been very lonely and without someone who really understood you for those sixteen years. Now you have me, you no longer feel the need to pour your heart out in your journal." She's right. That's how I feel too. When you have someone who understands the core of your very soul, a written journal becomes obsolete. But, it'll be such a shame for me to break that sixteen year streak, so here I am, continuing the tradition. Of course, this is the online version, where I leave out the stuff that will bore anyone but me to death.
Today, Elena and I had dinner with mom and her artist friends. During dinner, everyone was expressing their thoughts and philosophy about art and the current market for art. I really wanted to tell mom after dinner that she needs to spend some time studying art history and the basics of art, since I'm sure most of the conversation went right over her head. For a relatively well-known artist like her, it's almost embarrassing how little knowledge she has about art in general. I wonder if her artist friends secretly disrespects her behind her back, since her ignorance is quite apparent. It makes me sad to think many might feel she does not deserve her fame--and in general they are right. I've tried to talk to her about it, but she maintains that she's just not that interested in art--it's just something she fell into and made money at. *sigh* Maybe I shouldn't expect her to be a serious artist when she doesn't even truly love art in the first place.
Elena and I watched "Sabrina" tonight(Not the Audrey Hepburn classic, but the 1995 one with Julia Ormond and Harrison Ford). It's one of my top ten favorite films of all time, and I've seen it at least a dozen times if not more. Of course she loved the film too after watching it. Everytime I watch this film, I fall in love with it all over again. This film is just so charming, romantic, and humorous, with a fairytale-like monologue that begins the film: "Once upon a time there was a little girl..." I'm such a foolish, romantic, idealist. This kind of film is just perfect for me.
*All entries prior to Novemver 30th, 2002 are in the New & Updates section, as before that date there was no seperate section for the weblog*